Saturday, November 30, 2013

The messiness of my humanity...

Today I cut myself open, I allowed my heart to bleed at ease
I allowed my needs to ooze through my veins; let out the messiness of my humanity

It was more than I could handle
Too much for me to say

Not much my people could handle without a look of utter dismay 

The thing about the day
Was that I’d had enough
I was tired and weary of pretending to be tough.

The day turned into night and my persona got a grip
It picked up the rest of the pieces that I’d otherwise let slip…

My tongue got really heavy, the words I had were slurring

People looked my way at my wild eye but to be quite honest, I was way beyond caring.  

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Saturday, November 9, 2013

Today, I woke up...

As I woke from my deepest state of slumber I felt a sense of loss
Bereft, ripped from the womb of sleep, torn away from another realm
In my dreams I felt the machinations of possibility
I dwelled for a feverish few hours in a hot mess of creative alchemy
Words, shapes, form that made no sense whatsoever where suddenly swimming before my eyes in delightful patterns

I felt that I could reach out and that there would be no ceiling
No limit to the creativity that I could immerse myself in
No idea too big, too small or too ridiculous for me to try
Too soon the vacuuming suction cup of life dragged me out
Kicking and screaming silently and against my will I left my dream self
Watching her fade away with my proverbial nose pressed up against the glass
As I stretched out a weary arm, trying for all I was worth to hang on to my dream like state, I felt instead...

A cool calm realisation
A sense of peace and yet a keening sense of loss
But also a little fire that kindled a light behind my eyes

Knowing that soon I would be back again….

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The day I lost my mind, I found myself...

My mind ground to a halt today

I stopped short; the pencil that I had been scribbling with furiously refused to scratch the papers surface.

Not because I had no further ideas, in fact my mind was buzzing with them…

The difference today was that my mind had had enough

Today my mind rebelled

Throwing out all vestiges of convention

Like a hot oozy mess of sticky marshmallows, the essence of who I am came trickling out

It was a weird sensation that day that I lost control

I felt a sense of release that was not unlike an over stretched rubber band breaking free

Or even like cooked spaghetti writhing about deliciously in a vat of creamy sauce

It was a day that I had decided that like the foot that grows large, swollen and weary at the end of the day and refuses to be stuffed back into a conventional shoe...

That my mind was going to relax and take its own organic shape

Whether that meant sleeping for half a day or baking brownies until my arms hurt

I was still not sure

All I knew was that on this day

I chose freedom

On this day, I chose more….