Longing...

I long for that time and place

Where I spoke with a never-ending stream of words fueled by childlike curiosity 

 I long for that time and place

When I danced and jigged around in the aisles of a shopping mall as a child without a care in the world, chattering animatedly to myself  to people, or imaginary friends

I long for that time and place

Before I knew too much about societal conditioning, rules and constructs that made me wonder if I was not perhaps more than a little awkward

I long for that time and place…

When fruit tasted fresh and sweet with jewel like intensity and everything around the corner was new… (That’s when eating candy popcorn, going to the movies for the very first time and even a trip to post office (the post office for heaven’s sake!) was an adventure in itself.)

I long for that time and place

Where all people were potential playmates in childish games, not to be observed guardedly first for the potential pitfalls in their intentions. 

I long for that time and place

Where friendships were simple and sharing your lunch at break and liking the same ‘hand-clapping’ games sealed the deal on the start of a new ‘best friendship.’ 

I long for that time and place

Where sharing and receiving love was as simple as sending a card to your primary school crush asking, ‘Will you be my valentine?’ and getting the ‘yes’ box ticked and sent back

I long for that time and place

When I could declare my tiredness, hungriness and happiness to anybody and everybody who would listen, just because I was a little human roaming free on this Earth.

Oh how I long for that time and place…

Dressed for success?

I have dreams and ambitions, like doing things that fulfill my creative spirit and soul but I somehow just can’t find it in me to get up the juice to do what I want to do. 

I came to a bit of a realization. It’s not quite the fear of failure that stops me from pursuing my life’s goals. It is in fact the fear of success. 

Yes, I am one of those few out there that is a bit intimidated at the prospect of success. I know it’s out there. I can smell it and almost taste it, I have even glimpsed into the window of my capabilities and I know the things that I am capable of and then some. 

Bear with me for a moment now, instead of rolling your eyes skyward. It may sound egotistical at first, after all who is ever really scared of their full potential, isn’t it the one thing that we have been striving toward all our lives? 

Change I can do pretty easily, battling negatives, struggling for a voice, pushing the norms, determination to make financial ends meet, crusading for a cause and survival at all costs, are all the kinds of activities that are right up my alley. 

Success means change, big change at that, the kind that requires me to stretch like a rubber band in a number of different directions. I know how to fight for what I believe in, but do I know how to create and enjoy my own success. That is the ultimate question?

Beautiful Stranger

I look at you from across the way and I wonder at your beauty. Your lithe athletic form reminds me of a dancer. Spirited, glowing with health, the angular curves of your cheekbones and the dark swathe of your hair hint at a sense of drama and restless spirit that answers a call deep within my own soul. 

We have looked at each other. Our eyes connect, perhaps more eloquent than our spoken words could and would ever be. A question hangs in the air, like two deer in the forest who have regarded each other for the first time, we have tuned in to each others sense of mystery, energies and frequencies. 

In our minds we have weighed each other and said hello perhaps a hundred times. Which one of us will translate this experience into reality? Will we ever cross the divide?  

Delicious dessert, a piece of heaven

Delicious strawberry cheesecake from Mugg and Bean, Gateway

I disappear into the folds of this confection. 

That is to say… I lose myself, my world and all coherent though for a split second. My attention revolves instead around this silken creation. 

I wonder at the love and the discipline that must have been part science, part magic inherent in the hands of the chef that sculpted this masterpiece. Sure, it was probably just a mix of cream cheese, sugar, fruit, vanilla and pastry, but I’ll be damned if I didn't tell you that I tasted love and passion and felt the sense of artistry come alive on this very plate. 

Every morsel was eaten with aching slowness, every taste, a textural delight as I savoured the flavours; salty, sweet with an aromatic vanilla aftertaste. Paired with a just ‘hot enough’ cup of Americano coffee that complemented and offset the dessert with its slight chocolaty bitterness. It was as if I had arrived in heaven with my very own share of deliciousness. 

Its moments like these that I cherish and treasure. It feels that just for once, the world stops spinning on its axis, all problems are momentarily forgotten and my mind scrambles in paroxysms of delight.

It is my sincere belief that for just one moment in time, all is right with the world.

Is one lifetime enough?

Have you ever been in a bit of an existential panic? I have! It kinda happened to me when I turned 30 and not for the reasons that you might imagine. 

The prospect of getting a few grey’s or a deepening of lines around my eyes are very real (can you believe, I am now beginning to look at eye creams in stores!), and I’m sure gravity will begin having its way with me someday, but that isn’t quite what’s on my mind just yet. 

The reason that I’m in so much of a spin is that I want to do a hundred different things, be successful at them and fulfilled all at the same time. 

My wish list reads something like this...

I want... to cook and bake and run my own coffee shop… make sparkly cookies, sumptuous cakes and delectable savouries that will have people rolling on the floor of my shop in spasms of delight, reminiscing about times where everything was whole, good and sweet. 

I want... to decorate hands, feet and canvases with all the artistic expressions of henna that are bottled up in my heart and soul. I want to cover surfaces with it, saturate the world with all the painstaking love for these designs that are in my heart

I want... to write, produce and create short films and inserts that capture beautiful pieces of life, creating catalogues of dreams. Create a centre that offers skills exchange from people in polar opposite circumstances, have my coffee shop and arts spring up around them. Enveloping us all in an artistic, magical protective cocoon.  

I want... and need to travel, I want to have the time and the energy to explore cities, visit monuments, listen to the essence of the beautiful stories captured and paved in the pebble stones of new places. I want to look into the eyes of people who don’t speak my language and just understand, purely through the common denominator of being human!  

I want to meet new people, share skills, find common ground and drink in the diversity found in their lives and experiences.

I want... to write a book that makes no excuses for being unashamedly  emotional, that talks to experiences of being a woman, a South African, of being having the soul of an artist, filled with grit and yet optimism all at the same time.

I want... to give back, to teach, to be taught, soak up, to soak in, to revel, to engage, to be great, to contribute, to stand out, to meld into, to explode onto a scene, to have my spirit dance, to breathe in life, inhale it until my lungs hurt, to have squishy hugs that render me speechless and I want to reach the ultimate height of my being and then exceed that. I want to fall to my feet, grasp handfuls of sea sand and feel them filter gently out of tightly enclosed fists.

I want... to feel the sun dance across my face, to laugh until tears trickle down my face, I want to be as strong as a warrior princess, with a soul as delicate as the gossamer wings of a butterfly. I want to get inside every moment and every experience, inhabit it, talk about it, write about it, make art about it, laugh about it, maybe even cry about it. 

The ultimate question… can I fit all of this into one lifetime?